i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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