The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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