How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
