you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
