he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
