all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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