Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
