I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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