If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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