meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize