Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
