Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and she was petting her beer can
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
