I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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