Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
