he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
