More tranny stories later!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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