dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
