id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
