u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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