Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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