You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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