i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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