Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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