What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
