NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
