You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
