She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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