Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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