Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
