you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
