I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
