If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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