I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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