omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
