ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
