So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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