Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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