i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
