We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
