I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
