dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
