you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
