I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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