I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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