He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize