Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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