is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
