So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
