hotel room ftw
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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