Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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