just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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