Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
