I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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