Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize