At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize