Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
