My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize