New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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