I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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