I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
