i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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