I got chris browned last night
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
