what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
