If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
