whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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