hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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