I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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