its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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