I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
