Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
