Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
