The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
