My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
