never play flip cup with pint glasses
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
