Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
