A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I will be naked everywhere
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
