Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
