Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
