Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
