Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
