I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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