I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize