Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize