She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
