I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
