wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
