Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
