I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
