i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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