I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
