you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
