this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
