Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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