Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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