I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize