There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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