Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
