all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
