My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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