I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
