Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
